I must say that I could write a book of all the stupid things I have done in my lifetime and probably fill up the Library of Congress! No really.....I am notorious for doing the dumbest things at the most inopportune time. This morning as I was driving to school, several of these faux pas (is there a plural of faux pas?) came rushing to my mind. Luckily I was by myself at the time this incident occurred, but the thought of being "Caught in the Act" brought feelings of despair and extreme embarrassment! Oh well, here goes.....
Yesterday, I bought some of those flossing placker things that looks like a toothpick but have dental floss on them, too. I actually spent several minutes at Rite Aid looking at the different brands and prices, trying to figure out what was the best ones for me. I chose one that was reasonably priced, had a rather good amount in the packet, and seemed a fair quality of placker-thingy. My purpose is to starting flossing my teeth after having them almost 45 years. I know, I know...you don't have to say anything my dental hygienst hasn't already told me.....but I figure I haven't lost my teeth yet, so why not start flossing now...you know, better late than never! Anyway.....I was on my way to school and thought it was the perfect time to floss my teeth. I took out my brand new placker-thingy and began my flossing venture while driving to school. Contrary to public opinion, I have a rather small mouth with teeth that are close together. (I will pause now while the guffawing subsides.) The flossing of my front teeth was not a problem. And even the flossing of the sides toward the front of my mouth was okay. But when I got to the back teeth, I realized I was having to maneuver to get the thingy between my teeth. I pulled a little hard and the placker came out. Then I went a little further back, put the placker in, pulled, and.......Oh no! It is not coming out! I was afraid to pull too hard because I thought it might pull my tooth out. So I twisted it a little, and somehow it got lodged even more. Now in the three seconds of time that this took place, a million things went through my mind.....What if I get pulled by the police?....I have to get out at school with this thing stuck in my mouth....Who the heck is going to get it out?....My parents spent all that money on my braces and I still have close teeth!....I am going to my daughter's wedding with this stuck in my mouth!...I will be dead in my casket and people will be looking at me with this thing STUCK IN MY MOUTH! I was bound and determined that one more try gently pulling will get out this placker. One mile later and some not-so-nice words coming from my mouth, the placker-thingy finally came out. As I pulled into school, I chuckled to myself about getting so worked up over nothing. Then my flashback hit......My second year teaching, I was eating lunch at school with my fellow 6th grade teachers and principal. Now this was the time when we had metal forks and not plastic forks. I had a rather large piece of country style steak in my mouth, and as I pulled back on my fork in my mouth, the prongs were evidently mashed together and the fork got stuck on my LIP!!! Food in my mouth, fork stuck on my lip, and blood beginning to gush...all while hollaring HELP! like a 6th grader with a lysp (Have YOU tried talking with a fork stuck to your gushing lip???) My principal, Susan Fetner (God love her!), got ahold of my lip and gently pulled it out of the confines of that deadly metal fork! How she did this, I will never know, because she was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. The moral of these stories: Check out all metal forks and placker-thingies before placing them in your small mouth!
This afternoon, all is well. I can laugh about it now - you know, the 20/20 hind sight - but it certainly was not funny this morning, especially if I had been caught in the act! (And by the way, get your mind out of the gutter! What ACT did you think I was talking about??)
Yesterday, I bought some of those flossing placker things that looks like a toothpick but have dental floss on them, too. I actually spent several minutes at Rite Aid looking at the different brands and prices, trying to figure out what was the best ones for me. I chose one that was reasonably priced, had a rather good amount in the packet, and seemed a fair quality of placker-thingy. My purpose is to starting flossing my teeth after having them almost 45 years. I know, I know...you don't have to say anything my dental hygienst hasn't already told me.....but I figure I haven't lost my teeth yet, so why not start flossing now...you know, better late than never! Anyway.....I was on my way to school and thought it was the perfect time to floss my teeth. I took out my brand new placker-thingy and began my flossing venture while driving to school. Contrary to public opinion, I have a rather small mouth with teeth that are close together. (I will pause now while the guffawing subsides.) The flossing of my front teeth was not a problem. And even the flossing of the sides toward the front of my mouth was okay. But when I got to the back teeth, I realized I was having to maneuver to get the thingy between my teeth. I pulled a little hard and the placker came out. Then I went a little further back, put the placker in, pulled, and.......Oh no! It is not coming out! I was afraid to pull too hard because I thought it might pull my tooth out. So I twisted it a little, and somehow it got lodged even more. Now in the three seconds of time that this took place, a million things went through my mind.....What if I get pulled by the police?....I have to get out at school with this thing stuck in my mouth....Who the heck is going to get it out?....My parents spent all that money on my braces and I still have close teeth!....I am going to my daughter's wedding with this stuck in my mouth!...I will be dead in my casket and people will be looking at me with this thing STUCK IN MY MOUTH! I was bound and determined that one more try gently pulling will get out this placker. One mile later and some not-so-nice words coming from my mouth, the placker-thingy finally came out. As I pulled into school, I chuckled to myself about getting so worked up over nothing. Then my flashback hit......My second year teaching, I was eating lunch at school with my fellow 6th grade teachers and principal. Now this was the time when we had metal forks and not plastic forks. I had a rather large piece of country style steak in my mouth, and as I pulled back on my fork in my mouth, the prongs were evidently mashed together and the fork got stuck on my LIP!!! Food in my mouth, fork stuck on my lip, and blood beginning to gush...all while hollaring HELP! like a 6th grader with a lysp (Have YOU tried talking with a fork stuck to your gushing lip???) My principal, Susan Fetner (God love her!), got ahold of my lip and gently pulled it out of the confines of that deadly metal fork! How she did this, I will never know, because she was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. The moral of these stories: Check out all metal forks and placker-thingies before placing them in your small mouth!
This afternoon, all is well. I can laugh about it now - you know, the 20/20 hind sight - but it certainly was not funny this morning, especially if I had been caught in the act! (And by the way, get your mind out of the gutter! What ACT did you think I was talking about??)
Oh my gosh. . .Susan, I just LOVE you!!!!!! I know at some point every single day, I'm going to get a fit of the giggles when your blog post hits my inbox!! Too funny!!!!
ReplyDelete